haven

i came home to find
our bed sheets tussled in a knot
the way we'd left them
when we untangled ourselves
and climbed out into the world
where we share each other
with the world.

i came home and smiled to find
our little home untouched and perfect,
a fortress tucked away in plain sight
where the world cannot touch & pry.

& i can't wait 'til you come home
from your labored, juggled day
& hold me in your arms
away from every other thing.

evaluation

it's strange to come to understand
when i've been sure i knew
a thing not yet my own.

an untempered happiness stumbled upon me.
for certain, such never had before.
i know
because you had never held my hand before
and never wrapped me up inside your arms
to make me feel invincible and whole.

with you came fear
of an undiscovered kind,
a precious fear
of holding something valuable.

you make me care to lose.

lover's waltz

do you wanna dance?
will you wear my ring?
will you lay with me until the final bullets sing?

over our heads, over our heads
& a lover's waltz will turn until the end

will you marry me?
don't you want to spin?
will you run with me until the ground folds us within?

over our heads, over our heads
& a lover's waltz will turn until the end

& your shipwreck eyes, they sing to me
as we ride a killer whale across a diamond sea

over our heads, over our heads
& a lover's waltz will turn until the end

& i will hang for you
& you will hang for me
& the northern lights will take us in like refugees

over our heads, over our heads
& a lover's waltz will turn until the end

Mullen

i got married today.

all the world (i tell myself)

say that i've changed
say i'm different
maybe i finally understand
say i let go
say it's obvious
oh i tell myself over and over and over again:

i'm ready, i'm ready, i'm ready to believe
dah, dah, dah, dah...

so tell me i'm strong
tell me i'm weak
tell me i never, ever bend
tell me i'm fire
tell me i'm cold
cold, oh i tell myself over, over, and over again:

i'm ready, i'm ready, i'm ready to believe

and all the world can watch the choices you make
all the world can watch each tiny mistake
let the world watch, and let the world wait...
for you

so tell me i'm wrong
or tell me i'm cruel
tell me i fight
or tell me i fought for the wrong things

i'm ready, i'm ready, i'm ready to believe (x2)

correatown

merit

i haven't written myself down
for a while now...
that that need that i had
(to measure and quantify the tempest within)
has been so over-taken and replaced with
a simple peace.

it's like breathing without thinking.
it's not believing, but knowing.

i was whole before i noticed.
my vices and poisons are strangers now;
i can't remember why i loved them so.

hesitation

i'm juggling a taint i let in
to the good that came 'round.
reality begs i make a choice
and i know what i ought to do,
but still i refrain and hesitate.

it was simple to judge
the place he stood
until i stood there too.

intent

i stood up and stared down
the beast that had been crowding.

i meant to temper and meter
filters and fences brokered.

what came from what i meant
i may never know,
but you so badly want to tell me so.

Zimmerman

there's something about bob dylan talking in my ear and the quiet, persistent rain outside that makes the earth feel safe again. the big nothing that i've been trapped in is reigned back in and down toward the atmosphere and people that are lost don't seem so far away. i wish that i could find my answers blowing in the wind.

clutter

i ought to quit
& ought to change.
i ought to accept
some simple, plain facts.

why refrain without reason
& why fight without a cause?

i lost everything i could lose
so i'm thinking of unloading
the clutter in my head.

if i've got nothing to lose -
i must have nothing to gain.

that ought to make some kind of sense.

your woman

just tell me what you've got to say to me.
i've been waiting for so long to hear the truth.
it comes as no surprise at all you see -
so cut the crap and tell me that we're through.

now i know your heart; i know your mind.
you don't even know you're being unkind.
so much for all your high-brow, marxist ways.
just use me up and then you walk away.
boy, you can't play me that way.


well, i guess what you say is true -
i could never be the right kind of girl for you.


i could never be your woman (x4)


when i saw my best friend yesterday -
she said she never liked you from the start.
well me - i wish that i could claim the same,
but you always knew you held my heart.
and you're such a  charming, handsome man.
now, i think i finally understand.


is it in your genes - i don't know.
but i'll soon find out - that's for sure.
why did you play me this way?


well, i guess what you say is true -
i could never be the right kind of girl for you.


i could never be your woman (x4)

well, i guess what they say is true -
i could never spend my life with a man like you.


i could never be your woman (x4)

white town

surrender

i may be guilty
of what i condemn
& i may be wrong
about your motives & mine.

there's no judgement
i can pass upon us now.
i don't care to know
if you were wrong or you were right.

i only ever cared to know you.

thoughts that brought naught

this distance i thought
& maybe this time
would force a relenting.

this absence i thought -
would conjure acceptance
& dilute your passing.

i thought:
someone else as broken as me
could settle my own self-doubt.

i thought i could find some higher esteem
forged from another's smaller shadow.

i found that you linger
behind every moment i spend with another.

i found things too late.

shaped circumstance

before i twisted that blade in your spine;
before i lost that home in your heart;
before you finally walked away from me -
i knew.

reality finally bent to my mind's corruption
& all my doubts gave way to some chasm
where the good parts of us are lapsed.

we don't rest easy there
because from there -
i hear the mourning.

i fend off the ache
with spirits & smoke
& other familiar strangers.

mangled intentions

i couldn't know which way to walk
so i walked any way.
i fled my indecision & my ignorance
down dark-fraught, foreign roads.

i bled from untried depths
& drank poison from strangers.
i lost & i wept over mangled intentions.
i betrayed some love
so i could lease my blood.

i broke promises.
i broke principles.
i brokered my body & soul.
but i know:
i bent long before i broke.

once everything had lapsed -
everything came clear.
then all i knew was awe.