thoughts that brought naught

this distance i thought
& maybe this time
would force a relenting.

this absence i thought -
would conjure acceptance
& dilute your passing.

i thought:
someone else as broken as me
could settle my own self-doubt.

i thought i could find some higher esteem
forged from another's smaller shadow.

i found that you linger
behind every moment i spend with another.

i found things too late.

shaped circumstance

before i twisted that blade in your spine;
before i lost that home in your heart;
before you finally walked away from me -
i knew.

reality finally bent to my mind's corruption
& all my doubts gave way to some chasm
where the good parts of us are lapsed.

we don't rest easy there
because from there -
i hear the mourning.

i fend off the ache
with spirits & smoke
& other familiar strangers.

mangled intentions

i couldn't know which way to walk
so i walked any way.
i fled my indecision & my ignorance
down dark-fraught, foreign roads.

i bled from untried depths
& drank poison from strangers.
i lost & i wept over mangled intentions.
i betrayed some love
so i could lease my blood.

i broke promises.
i broke principles.
i brokered my body & soul.
but i know:
i bent long before i broke.

once everything had lapsed -
everything came clear.
then all i knew was awe.

fresh blood: eels

sun down on the sorry day.
by the nightlights - the children pray.
i know you're probably getting ready for bed -
beautiful woman, get out of my head.

i'm so tired of the same old crud.
sweet baby, i need fresh blood.

whoo!

the moon shines on the autumn sky.
growing cold - the leaves all die.
i'm more alone than i've ever been.
help me out of the shape i'm in.

after the fires - before the flood.
my sweet baby - i need fresh blood.

whoo!

whatever trepidation you may feel -
in your heart - you know it's not real.
in a moment of clarity
some little act of charity.

you gotta pull me out of this mud.
sweet baby - i need fresh blood.

whoo!