pandemonium

it's a crowded roar in here
i can't see & i can't hear
the voices & noises
of lost moments & choices

she is all lips, emotion & laughter,
but all i know is noise
that moment gone, now it's after
my imitation heart is all but naked of her put-on poise

where the world is material & real
is where i fake an even keel
within it's still chaos, all motley wrong
i'm underfoot of some stampeding, witless throng

all the things that i am not
& all the petty poison i contrive
bathe me in a filthy, fetid rot
nothing breathes here where chaos thrives

there's a thousand screaming sounds inside
i can't hear a one, they're jealous, hate & pride
leaning on denial like a crutch; she's both whore & bride
all these thousand screaming sounds
wringing, ringing in furious, rising fashions
all gnashing at my soul like blood-lusty hounds
the pitch of the screaming hounds finally yielding all-vile passions

neon-painted, pasty dolls parading 'round
going 'round inside some turning scope
colliding inside a kaleidoscope
in this horror picture show, all the lost things here are found